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Why You Can’t Stop Missing Your Ex, Even When the Relationship Was Terrible

A therapist explains why we romanticize former partners, overlook the bad memories, and struggle to let go of relationships that ended.

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Often, after a harsh breakup, many people find themselves pining for a version of their ex that doesn’t even exist. This habit, while common and entirely human, can hinder healing and keep us stuck in rumination. In fact, there’s even a name for it: ex-nostalgia.

Are you experiencing ex-nostalgia? Here’s what you should know about the self-limiting habit.

What Is Ex Nostalgia?

Ex nostalgia involves thinking back fondly and longingly on an ex, often without acknowledging the negatives of that past relationship.

“When we long for a version of our ex, we’re often longing for a time when we felt seen, heard, and loved,” says Sara Sloan, LMFT, CST, Marriage and Family Therapist, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and certified Imago........

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