“I CAN’T GO in today, Mom. I just can’t…”

That familiar phrase still causes my chest to tighten and my heart to race. As both a parent and a teacher, I’ve experienced school reluctance from both sides. I’ve met many families whose children struggle with it too, and I know how deeply distressing it can be.

For most children, school is somewhere they go quite willingly.

Yes, they might choose to stay at home if given the option – wouldn’t we all! There may be complaints on a Monday morning, but generally, they look forward to learning, seeing friends and having some fun along the way.

For others, even the thought of going to school can trigger anxiety and distress. These children may complain of tummy aches or headaches, become visibly upset or withdrawn. For them, the school day can feel like a mountain to climb – every single day. School reluctance and avoidance is sometimes mistaken for defiance or laziness, but often it is neither.

Many of these children desperately want to go to school, but their anxiety can feel overwhelming.

Behind it can lie a variety of different factors, like separation or social anxiety, learning needs, academic pressures, friendship difficulties, perfectionism or sensory overwhelm to name a few. For many children, neurodivergence may be a contributing factor, especially when the sensory, social and day-to-day demands of school start to feel like too much.

The impact on parents

Naturally, parents feel stuck. Knowing what to do can feel impossible. When your child is crying and clinging to you at the school gates, trying to get them through the classroom door can go against every parental instinct to comfort and protect them. Yet, at the same time, you know that allowing them to avoid what is making them........

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