As if there wasn’t enough apocalyptic news to keep abreast of, studies show that forgetfulness is on the rise. A cocktail of causes is to blame: microplastics clogging the brain, post-Covid symptoms, Dickensian air quality… whatever the culprit, our memories are taking a pummelling.

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Call me an inveterate optimist, but I’m glad to have the company. I had name amnesia before it was cool, as the kids say. Place me in front of a new neighbour or colleague, and I can glad-hand, smile and make friends with the best of them. What I can’t for the life of me do is recall that person’s name. (Too busy being paranoid about leaving specks of spit on their tie, or hiding the Mark Rothko installations of my armpit stains.)

And before you badger me about the nifty memorisation technique you learned in your MBA course or off TikTok: save it. I’ve tried them all. Repeating the name – ‘Ah Jill. Lovely to meet you Jill. Jill Jill Jill’ – makes you sound mentally subnormal, if not psychotic. Scribbling J.I.L.L down immediately after your chat is the mark of a glassy-eyed stalker. Mentally ‘tying’ the name to a distinct image and feature of their body (‘Jill sounds like hill, and she had a head like Ben Nevis…’) is........

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