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We often fail to recognize our own resilience despite evidence in our personal history.

Facts do not change, but the meaning we attach to those facts can change when we choose new meaning.

Rather than simply chalking up our own resilient actions, we can own them as evidence of who and what we are.

Resilience is a pattern we have demonstrated, but the key is to recognize and own it as part of ourselves.

Ask people if they’re resilient, and many hesitate. Ask them what they’ve lived through, though, and the list grows quickly—illness, loss, caregiving, rejection, financial strain, identity struggles, moments when life veered sharply off course.

The paradox is striking: We often fail to recognize resilience in ourselves, even when the evidence is everywhere in our own lives.

A big part of the problem is the way we tell our stories—to others and, especially, to ourselves.

We all carry an internal narrative about what has happened to us and what it means. Psychologists sometimes call this our narrative identity—the evolving story we use to make sense of our lives.

But these stories are not neutral. They are shaped by emotion, memory, and, in particular, the language we choose. Too often, they lean toward defeat: That’s when everything fell apart. That’s when I failed. That’s when I lost........

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