The Science of Mating

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Due to a few common worries and concerns, people can feel conflicted or awkward when asking someone out.

Those feelings and concerns can cause them to give up before even trying to initiate a romantic relationship.

Asking someone out indirectly, however, can help ease conflicted feelings and make the conversation easier.

As I wrote previously, dating and relationship conversations can be awkward and embarrassing. Those feelings arise because of an inherent conflict. On one hand, we are motivated to ask for what we want from a romantic partner. On the other hand, we don’t want to embarrass ourselves or make things awkward with them in the process.

To solve this dilemma, Kunkel, Wilson, Olufowote, and Robson (2003) studied how people initiated, intensified, and ended romantic relationships. In doing so, they identified the concerns that made people hesitate or give up on their efforts (face threats), as well as the strategies they used to persist and get what they wanted (face-saving strategies). In this post, we’ll explore the concerns that might hold you back from initiating a relationship—and the indirect strategies you can use to ask someone out with less risk and awkwardness instead.

Concerns When Asking Someone Out

To start, we need to know what concerns specifically hold us back from initiating a romantic relationship. What exactly is so anxiety-provoking about asking someone out? Kunkel and associates (2003) identified six main concerns that individuals worry about before initiating a relationship:

Why do I want to start dating this person right now?

Are they seeing someone else or are they unable to date me for another........

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