As a parent coach, I often hear from distressed parents who feel like their once-close relationship with their adult child has been replaced by a painful silence and emotional disconnection. Most of these parents are seeking strategies to reconnect through lower emotional reactivity (on their part and their adult child's).

These parents are pleased to see that the more they modify their existing communication strategies positively, the more they can reconnect with their adult children. In these cases, my work feels highly gratifying.

Think of the metaphor of having your car tires stuck in mud or in the snow. You understandably want to escape that mess and get to a better place. However, if you abruptly press the gas pedal (instead of gently rocking the car back and forth) frequently, you will sink deeper into the hole.

Keeping that metaphor in mind, I occasionally receive crisis-laden calls and emails that go something like this:

I feel for these parents who are in great pain and are hurting. That said, when they urgently reach out to me to "get my adult child to see things," they are unfortunately misguided by having this mindset.

If your adult child is not comfortable connecting with you, could there be some disconnects........

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