What Is Sexual Abuse?

Find a therapist to heal from sexual abuse

Shame silences survivors of sexual abuse.

Doubt about consent is a a common trauma response.

Laws that limit prosecution when a victim voluntarily used drugs or alcohol can deepen survivors' self-blame.

As the younger brother of two sisters, I felt an inherent protectiveness toward them whenever a boy arrived at the house to take them on a date. I recall sizing up the boys and, later, the men, with a sharp-eyed skepticism as they came through our front door.

I had no real concept of rape, but I knew instinctively that men were capable of violence. Just look at all the violence they perpetrate on television and in movies. I wanted to believe my sisters were safe, but I remained vigilant.

What I didn’t know then was that I was watching the wrong door.

The Man Everyone Trusted

Between the ages of 11 and 13, I was sexually abused by my Scoutmaster. Child sexual abuse is often different from what people picture when they think of rape. Psychologist Richard Gartner emphasizes that it is defined not by physical force but by exploiting a relationship of trust. It typically involves grooming: gradually drawing a child into a sexual relationship they are not capable of consenting to.

For years, I wondered whether my sisters felt the same skepticism each time my Scoutmaster picked me up. Or did they assume what everyone else assumed: that a man in a position of authority was someone to be trusted implicitly?

When I told my parents what my Scoutmaster had been doing, they confronted the senior scout leaders. But my parents were shamed into silence. “Think of your son,” the leaders said. And so my Scoutmaster was allowed to step down quietly. No charges were pressed.

We were all supposed to move on, but I couldn’t. I was burdened by guilt and shame, convinced it was somehow my fault.

Thirty years later, I learned that my Scoutmaster had adopted 15 boys, some with special needs. I worked with the authorities to bring him to justice. Yet even after he was sentenced, I felt not an ounce of........

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