Toxic positivity rushes people toward a resolution instead of letting them feel and find their way.

Mimamoru, a Japanese concept, means watching over someone without jumping in to fix things or direct the path.

Real empathy offers presence and faith in the individual, not silver linings or forced positivity.

Every time I hear someone say, "It's all happening for you, not to you," or "Everything happens for a reason," I wince. Maybe you've said these phrases, or had them said to you. Usually well-intentioned, these reassurances become a form of spiritual bypassing where spiritual or positive reframing sidesteps unresolved emotional pain (Welwood, 1984).

Believing suffering has a purpose can help people find meaning and resilience, but timing matters. For someone in deep upset, these platitudes can leave the griever feeling unseen and maybe even foolish for hurting. They push the griever toward resolution in a way that mostly helps the speaker feel more comfortable. They can leave the person on the receiving end feeling guilty and ashamed for not finding the bright side fast enough. These words offer fate instead of presence.

Spiritual bypassing can include phrases that might fit in with what is called "toxic positivity." Statements like "you'll feel better soon" or "it could be worse" can feel dismissive to someone who is hurting. Real empathy tolerates not knowing how or when things resolve. Empathy doesn't require the pain to mean something, and it doesn't compare or force a positive focus.

Empathy has two components: the cognitive aspect, understanding another's perspective without losing your own, and the affective aspect, feeling something alongside someone who is struggling (Decety & Jackson, 2004).

Often, we imagine empathy as walking a mile in someone's shoes. But what if empathy was more about sitting with them in the mud, shoes and all, without trying to clean them off or explain why they got muddy?

Mimamoru: A Japanese Practice of Watchful Restraint

In Japanese,........

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