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Viewers Beg for Cancellation of MTV Video Music Awards After Chaos, Incompetence, and Gross Madonna Ruin Already Vile Awards Show

I know a great many of you are too young to remember this, but there was a time where MTV not only played music, they gave awards for it.

Heck, not only did they have the Video Music Awards, they also had movie awards, too — and people cared about this stuff! Sure, it wasn’t on the same level as the Grammys or Oscars, but these shows were seen as their quirky, edgy, less-famous relative. Like the Chris Penn to Sean Penn, or the USFL to the NFL. (Don’t tell The Donald I mentioned that league.)

MTV was never terribly good, and yet Gen X’ers and older Millennials will talk about it like Baby Boomer Democrats trying to tell their kids about Kennedy Camelot to explain why a dimwit anti-Semite who believes a congressional seat is his birthright is a Big Deal to them.

I’m not sure why we ever thought it was so rad, to use the parlance of those times, but maybe it was just by comparison. Because I was surprised to discover on Sunday that 1) MTV still exists, 2) the VMAs still exist, and 3) goodness, they seem awful even by the standards of the 1990s.

The evening was best summed up by Madonna when she accepted the award for “Best Dance” — which, considering the 68-year-old Madonna was mostly washed up by the time I was old enough to start caring about music that wasn’t “Weird” Al Yankovic, is proof that the VMAs should be taken out of their misery like Ol’ Yeller.

Her speech — in which she either does a very good impersonation of an inebriated person or is indeed very inebriated — began thusly: “First of all, I want to get this thing out of my [butt]. It’s been there all night.” She then struggles to get a mic cord out of her posterior, then admits, “I’m kind of........

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