The context you need, when you need it

When news breaks, you need to understand what actually matters — and what to do about it. At Vox, our mission to help you make sense of the world has never been more vital. But we can’t do it on our own.

We rely on readers like you to fund our journalism. Will you support our work and become a Vox Member today?

Feel like a late bloomer? You’re not alone.

Traditional milestones are still attainable — just on a longer timeline.

Allora Dannon didn’t notice when her younger siblings started dating before she did, and she was mostly focused on her academics when her college classmates were rotating through hookups. But, sometime in her mid-20s, she looked up and realized her little sisters were getting married and having kids and she hadn’t even been on a first date.

“My youngest sister — there’s a 16-year age gap between us — she had her first kiss and went through two boyfriends before I even went on a first date,” Dannon, now 35, tells Vox. “I’m really good at celebrating other people. I love sharing other people’s joy. However, I internalized so much, like there just must be something grotesquely wrong about me.”

Culture reflects society. Get our best explainers on everything from money to entertainment to what everyone is talking about online.

Dannon had traveled the world and enjoyed a rich social life, and she couldn’t entirely understand why, for some people — most people, it seemed — getting into a relationship was so easy, but not for her.

Dannon is, by all accounts, a late bloomer: someone who hits milestones, like love, homeownership, established career, and parenthood, on a longer timeline than their peers. It’s not so much the shame that often comes with being a late bloomer that makes it hard — though there’s plenty of that, Dannon says; it’s the creeping resentment, and frustration as you watch the people you care about move onto new life stages while you stay in the same place. It’s the feeling that, after years of attending others’ bridal showers and bachelorette parties and housewarmings and weddings and baby showers and kid birthday parties, it might never be your turn.

The questions you should ask yourself to figure out what you really want

Being a good friend means celebrating others’ milestones, which many late bloomers say they are genuinely happy about. But it can be difficult not to think about what you want, and what you seemingly lack, every time another invitation comes in the mail. Especially when you’re patiently waiting for your moment to come around.

“Two things can exist at once: Your joy for people experiencing these life events, but also your grief that your life is not unfolding the way you thought it would and you didn’t think it was,” Dannon........

© Vox