Just about 19 years ago, I was sitting in the cheder ochel of Michlalah as the 2006/7 seminary year came to a close. The end of the year banquet included (among other things) a celebratory meal and many speeches. Aside from the teachers who spoke, a selection of girls were each assigned a different faculty member to speak about. I remember very little from the actual event, but one line from one of the speeches made such an impression on me, I doubt I will ever forget it. 

Batya Reichman (now Bronstein) was tasked with speaking about the head of school, Rav Pollock Shlita. As she began her speech, she raised the conundrum that being asked to speak about Rav Pollock raised for her. “It would be inappropriate for me to talk about Rav Pollock as he is a talmud chachum, and I am but a simple person. However, the Gemara in Megilla tells us that one should never disregard the blessings of a simple person, because even they are fulfilled.” At this point she used her remaining time to give Rav Pollock a bracha. I was floored by her humility, her sensitivity, her knowledge, and ultimately, her cleverness. She taught me a number of lessons in those few minutes which have stuck with me all of these years later. She gave me perspective.

I was reminded of this as I learned the פרשה this week. In the beginning of פרק ב, we are introduced to the concept of a קרבן מנחה. Curiously, the פסוק uses the word נפש to refer to the one bringing the מנחה. Rashi asks the obvious question. Why does the פסוק use this particular language here? Rashi explains that it is typically the poor people who bring מנחות, because that is all that they can afford. In consideration for the poor man’s financial circumstances, Hashem looks at the קרבן מנחה as if the poor man has brought his very soul as a קרבן. Therefore, the פסוק sees it fitting to refer to him as “נפש”.

This explanation feels particularly apt for me today. It, like Batya’s sentiment, casts perspective on our current situation. Big things are happening, but I am a simple person- a nobody. What do I have to offer Hashem in the face of what is going on?

It is difficult to put into words what our reality looks like right now, because words can’t possibly capture the experience, but I’ll try. Remember the beginning of the COVID lockdowns? The uncertainty and the fear, but more how everything just stopped? This war is kind of like that, in the way that our lives got frozen in time, but even though our personal lives got frozen, our needs haven’t received the memo. We still need to eat, bills still need to get paid (really?!), and apparently Pesach is still coming. Now add the element of having to literally run for your life at a moment’s notice, and imagine how that factors into things…and our nervous systems.

During COVID we worried about the future, and we were mostly stuck at home, but it was liberating in a way. We were on our own schedules and free to do things on our own terms, with social distancing of course (and even that was ultimately a choice). Now, we are mostly stuck at home, or at least in close proximity to a safe room. Each venture out of the house comes with heavy consideration. Is it worth it? Is it responsible? Is it possible? There is no structure, continuity, or stability. We are in full blown survival mode, but without the luxury of giving into it (and with no end date!!). Our children still need entertainment and attention and reassurance, our jobs still need to be done, and I keep hearing something about Pesach…. 

We are coming up on over 500 hours straight of forced quality time with every other member of our family (personally this has been my favorite part, but I’m weird like that). Privacy (including the luxury of always being fully clothed in front of other members of said family), is no longer a given. Being able to accomplish even the most mundane of tasks (like a quick trip to the bathroom), is no longer a given. Assuming that anything you start cooking won’t be completely ruined is also no longer a given. In short, nothing is a given (aside from people needing to eat, bills needing to be paid, and Pesach coming).

And so I return to my question. Hashem, in our impoverished state, what do we have to offer you?

I take Batya’s lesson and Rashi’s explanation, and suddenly I have a new perspective. I know what we have to offer. 

I can look at myself and my circumstances and feel completely helpless, or I can recognize the opportunity that my circumstances are affording me. We have everything to offer right now, and we are. We have taken our routines, our sleep, our privacy, our alone time, our peace of mind, our comfortable illusion of guaranteed physical safety, and we are offering that up to You, Hashem. It is our קרבן להקריב. It is our offering to be closer to You, but more importantly to bring You and the גאולה closer to us. Please accept our meager sacrifice and consider it as if we are offering You the most valuable thing we have, our נפש. May we be זוכה to see גאולה שלמה בקרוב.

© The Times of Israel (Blogs)