I hate you. You’re the worst mum in the world!

I hate you. You’re the worst mum in the world!

It’s a sentence that can feel heartbreaking to parents. You try to set a boundary with your little one and they lash out with “I hate you”.

Those words land can like a punch. Even when you know, deep down, that your child doesn’t really mean it.

Why do kids say this? And how can you respond?

Part of what makes “I hate you” so hard to hear is that it can touch on something most parents quietly worry about. “Am I doing this right?”, “Am I a good parent?”.

Being on the receiving end can also be unexpectedly triggering. For parents who grew up in households where strong emotions were dismissed, minimised, or hidden, a child’s emotional outburst can feel alarming, disrespectful or even shameful. Your instinct might be to shut it down quickly, or to feel something has gone badly wrong.

What’s going on when a child says ‘I hate you’?

Try not to read too much into it if you child says “I hate you”. Young children, especially those under six, are in the early stages of learning how to understand and regulate their emotions. The part of their brain responsible for regulating emotions, is still very much developing.

While this is most common in young........

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