We used to be a lot more trusting of others. Just a couple of generations ago, Americans reported dramatically higher levels of trust in one another and in their institutions. Surveys from the 1950s found that, at that time, roughly three-quarters of people believed the government would “do the right thing most of the time,” and about 60 percent said their neighbors were trustworthy. Today, those numbers have fallen to under one-quarter for government trust and closer to one-third for social trust. And, among younger adults, trust in neighbors drops into the teens (Brooks, 2019). Today, we just don't have the same sense that our well-being is being looked after by others.

Our lives didn't used to rely on screens for daily communication. We used to know our neighbors personally. Everday life consisted of countless small interactions, not just emails and texts. There is a sense of shared safety that erodes when we can't look another in the eye, hear someone's laugh, or see their emotional expression. And lacking it, we're left feeling wary, on guard, and unsure of whom to trust.

Technology has made us no less human, but it has removed many of the conditions that trust relies on from our daily lives. When we feel lonely and isolated from one another, we live in an environment that is fertile for the growth of suspicion.

As a relationship therapist, I see trust issues as the core of almost all relationship problems. Trust is the felt sense that our well-being matters to another person. When you know, deep down, that what is best for you is fully seen, understood, and prioritized above all else by another person, you trust them. And when you trust them, you give them the benefit of the doubt. When they mess up, you give them grace because you see them as having your best interests at heart and don't feel threatened by them slipping up sometimes.

The ingredients of trust include, first and foremost, familiarity. There's a reason that we are naturally more suspicious of strangers, before getting........

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