When someone does something that bothers you, it's natural to think about what you want them to do differently.

I want my mother to stop posting photos of my child on social media.

I want my friend to stop criticizing my choices.

But healthy boundaries aren't only about asking other people to change. They're also about understanding what you need and figuring out what you can do to take care of yourself when someone won't change.

It's Okay to Ask Someone to Change

Discussions about boundaries often focus on how to ask people to change. And that has its place in relationships. We affect each other, and it's appropriate to tell someone when their behavior is negatively affecting you.

When you communicate clearly and kindly, people who care about you will often change. Other times, there will be pushback, and no matter how well you communicate, some people will resist changing.

The problem is that we can't control whether other people change. So, while communicating our needs and asking for change is an important part of healthy relationships, it's also important to consider what we can do when someone won't change.

Identify What You Really Need

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