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There's no universally optimal trait level; the right setting depends on your goals and values.

High conscientiousness made me productive at work, but rigid and reactive at home.

Twenty weeks of focused practice can produce roughly the trait change that takes 20 years naturally.

Yesterday, I watched my daughters debate which Pixar movie we were going to watch later that evening. Well, debate is a generous description of the full-on screaming match that ensued. A few years ago, I probably would have left the room or encouraged them to be quiet by also yelling—yes, even psychologists yell at their kids sometimes.

Yesterday, though, I was able to let the noise wash over me without reacting beyond privately hoping that WALL-E came out on top.

This transformation from high-strung perfectionist to patient pragmatist is, in part, an example of the natural shift in personality that occurs across the lifespan.

But it is also the result of an intentional decision to develop the personality traits that would help me better align with my parenting values.

Motherhood and........

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