Performance myths put unnecessary sexual pressure on couples.

Unrealistic body standards can undermine confidence and attraction.

There are proven ways to overcome performance anxiety for better sex.

My early sex education entailed watching Madonna videos and stealing porn mags from under the bed of my best friends’ dad. I wish my parents had simply taught me that an “orgasm” isn’t when you fold paper to look like birds, or that flavored condoms aren’t meant for penetration.

Today, much of what people learn about sex comes from online sources like porn. But entertainment and digital media were never designed to serve as the standard by which real-life intimacy should be measured. Porn also gives young people an unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.

The Screen vs. the Sheets

Porn versus real life is like pizza rolls from the microwave versus the oven. Pornography looks intensely exciting because it is a heavily produced fantasy designed to exploit human psychology1 and sensory reward systems.

The physical set is highly artificial and profoundly unromantic; it includes a room full of camera operators, a director, lighting technicians, and a boom mic operator. Then post-production editors manipulate the footage for the best sound, angles, color tones, and pacing.

“People should keep in mind that films in general are highly curated, stresses Alicia Rodis, who pioneered the role of intimacy coordinator in the U.S. and currently serves as the in-house intimacy coordinator for HBO.

Though the role of intimacy coordinator is largely absent from the porn industry, the notion of consent is not; it is given through a combination of legal contracts, pre-production discussions, and on-set communication. Actors choose2 which activities they will engage in and with whom.

Performance Myths Create Bedroom Pressure

Because of the grueling, start-and-stop nature of porn shoots, male performers rely on medications like erectile dysfunction drugs to maintain stamina over several hours. Synthetic props, lubricants, and creams are also used on sets to simulate or enhance bodily fluids on camera. The only realism in porn is the “spouse leaving for work.”

In general, most past research3 has focused on the negative outcomes of pornography use, but it has also been associated with more sexual........

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