"Not casting your pearls before swine" offers a powerful framework for building resilience.

Practice discernment to recognize those able and unable to receive what you offer.

Guard against internal "trampling"; don't repeatedly offer your deepest thoughts to those who mock or distort.

Protect the most valuable pearl of all: your time and energy.

For New Year's, I often choose a slogan—a personal mantra—that helps keep me on track in the year ahead. I repeat it to myself when I feel myself drifting toward whatever it is I’m trying not to do. It serves as a kind of guardrail.

This year’s slogan isn’t the usual two or three words. Instead, it’s a well-known proverb from the most famous sermon ever delivered: Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount. Some people are surprised by how blunt the gentle man from Galilee could be when he said, “Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” The proverb is usually shortened to: Don’t cast your pearls before swine.

The wisdom here is an instruction in discernment—about being thoughtful and selective with the people with whom you share what you hold sacred, your “pearls.” Those pearls may include your time, your hopes and dreams, the traumas you’ve survived, cherished memories of loved ones who have died, or the hard-earned wisdom that comes only with experience.

The dogs and swine are metaphors for people who cannot receive your pearls with the same care and reverence you hold for them yourself. They may be unreceptive, emotionally hardened, or actively hostile to truth and facts. Jesus’s warning is clear: When you “cast” your treasures before such people, they will fail to value them, trampling them underfoot, and may even turn on you and “tear you to pieces.”

Although the proverb is often associated with religious witnessing, it’s just as relevant to everyday life, especially when it comes to setting boundaries. It cautions against sharing your dreams, vulnerabilities, or advice with people who routinely belittle you or exploit your goodwill.

Eight lessons for selectively sharing your "pearls"

Taken this way, “not casting your pearls before swine” offers a powerful framework for conserving emotional energy, protecting psychological health, and building resilience. There are many lessons embedded here, but these eight stand out as especially practical:

Protect your inner world. Your wisdom and vulnerabilities are precious. Sharing them with people who are consistently hostile or dismissive (the “swine”) isn’t just unproductive; it can be psychologically damaging, leading to burnout and a diminished sense of self-worth.

Practice discernment, not judgment. Resilience grows when you can recognize that some people simply aren’t in a place to receive what you offer. This doesn’t devalue you or condemn them—it allows you to invest your energy in more fertile ground.

Use selective engagement and strategic silence. When a conversation becomes unproductive or abusive, the most resilient choice is often to disengage. Knowing when to exit an online or in-person exchange can spare you the frustration of trying to persuade someone who is more interested in mockery than dialogue.

Accept only what you’re responsible for. You’re accountable for what you say and do, not for how someone else responds. Letting go of the need to force another person’s growth prevents resentment and emotional exhaustion.

Guard against internal “trampling.” Repeatedly offering your deepest thoughts to people who mock or distort them allows your self-worth to be trampled. Resilience means shifting toward environments where your value is reflected back to you.

Practice reciprocal sharing. Be cautious about offering your pearls too quickly, especially with new friends or romantic partners. Match vulnerability with vulnerability—pearl for pearl.

Use strategic distancing. Sometimes protecting your pearls means re-categorizing a relationship—seeing someone only in group settings, for example, rather than one-on-one.

Protect the most valuable pearl of all: your time and energy. With only 24 hours in a day and a finite number of days in a lifetime, these strategies help ensure your energy isn’t drained by someone who treats you as an emotional dumping ground without ever listening in return.

Because guarding your pearls requires discernment, it helps to recognize behaviors that signal “swine.” Three common patterns include:

The trampler: a friend or partner who habitually dismisses your feelings or gaslights your reality.

The user: someone who readily takes emotional or sexual support but disappears when you need care.

The mocker: a person who ridicules your most sacred beliefs, values, or goals.

By learning to withhold your pearls from those who trample them, you preserve your time and energy for friends and partners who treat what you offer as “holy”—because they value you for who you are.

© Psychology Today