Behavior change often fails because immediate costs outweigh the rewards—it's math, not willpower.

Our relationships can unconsciously reinforce old behaviors and punish new ones, sabotaging our goals.

Reinforcement is more effective than punishment for lasting change.

Flexible responses to changing situations are healthier than rigid habits that solved yesterday's problems.

How many times have we made resolutions to adopt healthier habits or vowed to never engage in unhelpful ones ever again, only to chastise ourselves for failing?

Then the waves of guilt and shame that arise from not meeting these expectations lead us to engage even more in the unhealthy behavior in attempts to soothe away the distress (what’s known as the abstinence violation effect).

While changing behaviors can offer fast results, there’s never an easy fix to complex challenges. Sometimes, our best efforts at progress backfire because they have unintended consequences on the larger systems we inhabit.

While we often blame ourselves when we can’t stick to our ideal behaviors, we aren’t bad or lazy. We’re often suffering from the simple math of the immediate rewards not outweighing the costs.

One stumbling block with behavior change is that we usually don’t feel like doing it. Our emotions are designed to motivate us to address the short-term threats and rewards in front of us, not the nuances of each action’s long-term consequences within the complex systems we inhabit.

So much of the time, our behaviors are reinforced by things that we aren’t even aware........

© Psychology Today