In my last post, we looked at why willpower-based parenting resolutions fail. Intentional parenting offers a different approach: understand what needs aren't getting met, then build systems that support everyone.

But what does that actually look like? And what should your parenting goals be if you're not just trying to get your kids to "listen"?

In this post, I'll show you what needs-based parenting goals are and walk you through five realistic examples you can try with your own family.

Ask most parents what their goals are, and you'll hear: "I want my child to be successful." "I want them to be happy." And, in the short term, "I want them to listen" (by which we often mean "do what I tell them to do").

Many of us grew up with parents who tried to shape our behavior through rewards and punishments. They might have rewarded us for fitting in with gender norms or doing well in school, and punished us when we didn't do those things.

Many of the parents I work with have spent so many decades suppressing their needs that they don't even know how to identify them.

Needs drive all behavior: ours, our kids', everyone's.

When we understand and meet our kids' needs, they are content and at peace, and our relationship is strong. They know our love isn't dependent on them producing certain behaviors. They're more willing to collaborate with us to help meet our needs as........

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