When parents of adult children contact me for coaching, one thing they often say is something like, "Dr. Jeff, I feel taken advantage of. But then I feel guilty for feeling that way when I think about things I could have done better."

These parents are like the walking wounded, who are also walking on eggshells. They have all sorts of conflicting thoughts, are in deep emotional pain, and just want to feel better. Above all, these parents want their adult child to be less emotionally reactive, less passive-aggressive, and less challenging.

However, I often see that even more discomfort stems from parents' overthinking than from the struggles and antics of their adult children. It is these problematic thinking patterns that leave parents feeling like doormats to their adult children.

A recent post of mine, Overthinking Is Rewiring Parents to Fear Adult Children, seemed to be helpful to many readers. The main points are that overthinking leads parents to second-guess text messages, to soften their stated truth, or to avoid difficult conversations. Yet genuine connection arises when parents speak honestly and calmly, with mutual respect, rather than through fear. Self-trust restores openness, restores steadiness,........

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