What Is Emotional Validation?

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Validation is recognizing the kernel of truth in another’s experience.

Chronic invalidation can erode self-trust and emotional regulation.

Recovery involves self-compassion, reflection, and new relational skills.

Evidence-based tools can help you validate yourself and others.

Think back to the last time someone told you you shouldn't feel a certain way, your beliefs are wrong, or you did something bad. That’s invalidation. Invalidation often triggers defensiveness, withdrawal, and self-doubt. Chronic invalidation contributes to difficulties regulating emotions, tolerating distress, and interacting effectively with others (Linehan, 1993; Krause, et al., 2003).

Invalidation between ideologically polarized groups increases polarization. Bar-Tal and Halperin (2020) note that when group members invalidate views of opposing groups (as well as dissenting views within their own group), ideological polarization intensifies, escalating between-group conflicts and hindering political and social reconciliation.

Validation Invites Connection

Validation is a compassionate invitation to connect across our differences. It is the act of recognizing and affirming the reality of someone’s feelings, thoughts, or experience even if you don’t agree with them. As world-renowned validation expert Dr. Marsha Linehan puts it, validation is “finding the kernel of truth in another person’s perspective or situation” (Linehan, 1997).

When you see that someone's emotions are out-of-proportion with the situation, that their perspective is not entirely true or helpful, or that their behavior is causing problems, of course you want to correct this. If you start with validation, you show you are listening and understand. As you build trust and connection, they will be more open to hear your perspective, inviting connection and growth.

Can Validation Help in Extreme Circumstances?

A little validation goes a long way toward calming our physiology, creating emotional safety, and building trust in relationships, even in extreme situations! For example, Kuo et al. (2019)........

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