The Science of Mating

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People want to stand out in a crowded dating field.

They often confuse getting attention with attracting what they actually want.

What you present matters, but how you present it may matter just as much.

While watching my students struggle to find compatible partners on dating apps, I began noticing the same mistakes again and again. Some profiles revealed almost nothing; others revealed too much. Some leaned heavily on sexualized images, while many simply disappeared into a sea of interchangeable profiles.

I started wondering: What actually makes a dating profile stand out in a way that creates genuine interest—and perhaps leads to a compatible match—rather than simply attracting attention?

That question led my colleagues and me to study three aspects of dating profiles: the photos people choose, how much they disclose, and how they present that information. Across these studies, a common theme emerged: How you present yourself shapes not only how potential partners see you, but also what they think you want—and whether they can imagine connecting with you.

Mistake 1: Trying too hard to look sexy

In online dating, the first filter is often visual. People tend to notice photos before reading anything else, and on apps that create a sense of endless alternatives, a profile that fails to pass that initial threshold may never get a second look.

So it makes sense that people want to choose their sexiest photos. But that strategy can backfire.

In our research (read more here), sexualized profiles led viewers to perceive their owners as more interested in casual sex and as less suitable long-term partners. Sexualization may draw attention to the body while pushing other qualities—intelligence, warmth,........

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