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Deciding how much contact your children have with toxic relatives can be difficult.

Assess whether your concern involves your children’s safety or differences in parenting preferences.

Look for family allies who will respect your boundaries and act if a problem arises.

“They should see it. It’s good for them.”

Some dysfunctional families believe that children need to learn about and be exposed to what they call “real life.” Perhaps, as children, the adults weren’t protected from family chaos and believe everyone should have the same experiences. Maybe they think it will make the children tougher. Or maybe the problematic behaviors are so normalized that they seem like no big deal.

When family members choose to move away from the dysfunction, literally or figuratively, another question may come later: How much should they expose their own children to?

In healthy families, relatives will generally respect each other’s parenting choices. This includes everything from dietary restrictions and screen time to values and disciplinary practices. They may not agree with the parents’ approach, but they accept the rules. They understand that it is up to them to make the best decisions for their children.

In toxic families, relatives may disregard these rules. They may see little to no harm in exposing children to the patterns that make the family toxic in the first place. They may not value........

© Psychology Today