Choosing a romantic partner is a complex task for most people. I discuss here two central scales for assessing the value of a potential partner.

Two key scales measure a partner’s romantic value:

Consider a conversation I had with a young religious man who claims to love his wife dearly:

Me: “Is your wife beautiful?”

Man: “She is not ugly.”

Me: “Is your wife wise?”

Man: “She is not stupid.”

Me: “Is your wife kind?”

Man: “Yes, she is very kind.”

This man views his wife as very kind (likely 9/10 on the cognitive scale), but less wise and attractive (perhaps 5/10 each). On the evaluative scale, he assigns kindness the highest weight (5/5), while wisdom and attractiveness matter less (around 2/5 each). Objectively, her wisdom and appearance might score closer to 3/10, yet these cognitive deficiencies do not diminish his profound love—because suitability matters most.

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