One doesn't eat out often, partly because I haven't yet received my last six DA instalments, but mainly because I can never find parking in NOIDA. But once in a while one has to be adventurous, so Neerja and I decided to have a night out.

The question, however, prompted by recent FDA revelations about what is actually dished out as food in restaurants, was: how do we ensure that we are not served plastic granules as rice, palm oil as paneer, crow meat as chicken, shampoo and emulsifier as milk?

"I know," said Neerja, "let's invite Tukaram Mundhe to accompany us for dinner too!"

She was right, you know — Mr Mundhe is the new toast of the foodies. When he walks into a restaurant the rats and cockroaches (the real ones) leave by the back door, the analogue paneer is dumped into the sewer line, and managers start counting the flies in their kitchens instead of their profits.

I'm told the most sought after rating in Bombay eatery circuits these days is not the Michelin star, but a certificate which proudly states 'Tukaram Mundhe approved eatery.' A close second is a board announcing: 'Tukaram Mundhe eats here.'

But I'm afraid he may be Khemka-ed very soon: institutions nowadays are not expected to follow the law but to find ways around them, for a consideration, of course. Opposition to him has started organising itself. The Bombay High Court has already conveyed its royal displeasure to him.

A newspaper report revealed that footfall in restaurants has fallen by 20 per cent, as folks no longer want to pay through their noses for dining on cockroaches, rats, flies and worms (not to mention the Service Charge). I would not be surprised if corporate hospital boardrooms are worrying about the declining........

© National Herald