Or: How to turn a 10 billion dollar “I’m mad” lawsuit into a scathing judicial scolding in five easy steps.

In the grand tradition of American political theater, we have witnessed many bizarre spectacles. We’ve seen candidates kiss babies, flip burgers, and debate the merits of various conspiracy theories. But very rarely do we get to witness the legal equivalent of a person trying to pick their own pocket for 10 billion  dollars while simultaneously suing their own hand for theft.

Enter the saga of the $1.8 billion IRS settlement—a masterpiece of bureaucratic self-dealing that has now been unceremoniously shredded by U.S. District Judge Kathleen Williams.

For those who haven’t been keeping track of the 2026 season of As the White House Turns, the plot was simple, bold, and entirely divorced from the pesky constraints of, say, the U.S. Constitution. Donald Trump—who, as President, is the literal boss of the IRS—decided to sue the IRS for a casual 10 billion  dollars because someone leaked his tax returns back in 2019. It’s a classic “I’m upset about my privacy” move, usually reserved for celebrities who find a telephoto lens in their hedges.

But instead of the normal legal process, which involves tedious things like “discovery” and “arguments” and “the possibility of losing,” the Trump administration opted for the high-octane “Settlement Gambit.”

The “Anti-Weaponization” Piggy Bank

The “settlement” reached in May was, frankly,........

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