Inviting people over to hang out at my house is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I don’t need to leave home. On the other, I’m plagued by anxiety, not because I don’t enjoy seeing my friends, but because of all the tidying and cleaning I feel pressured to do even for a casual evening of watching TV.

In an instant, I transform into my mother, frantically scrubbing and organizing. To welcome guests into a house that shows signs of life — a pile of unopened mail sitting on the dining room table or crumbs in the couch cushions — is to open yourself up to judgment.

It’s a common sentiment among those of hosting age: the manic cleaning that precedes the arrival of guests, memed and parodied ad infinitum. Of course these concerns primarily afflict women — centuries of socialization have reinforced the notion that the condition of a home is a woman’s business. (A 2019 study found that women are held to higher cleanliness standards than men and are more likely to face negative social consequences for failing to meet that standard.) Mothers, who are somehow expected to be the primary caretaker and keep the house spotless on top of everything else, carry an even heavier domestic burden.

Whenever Ciara Bogdanovic’s clients come to her with these concerns, she can’t assure them that no one is judging the state of their home. But she can promise them that the majority of people aren’t. “Often,” Bogdanovic, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says, “we project our own beliefs about ourselves........

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