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Things We Hate and Love Online This Week

Welcome back to the World Cup of online mockery. Grab your shin pads and get ready for a heated game of sitting on the sofa to laugh at famous people.

By Adam Christopher Smith

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Welcome to Rated and Slated, the column that is terminally online so you don’t have to be.

I have imagined, many times, how much better my life would be if I was good at sports. I’d settle for being mediocre at boxing like Jake Paul, I wouldn’t need to be an elite professional footballer like Erling Haaland.

Erling Haaland, Norway’s large, maniacal striker, has several exceedingly Norwegian traits. He sometimes exercises by chopping wood in the forest. He consumes 6,000 calories a day. After training sessions, he drinks raw milk. He owns a tax-sheltered investment company in… pic.twitter.com/MLnpgKGswP— The New Yorker (@NewYorker) June 30, 2026

Erling Haaland, Norway’s large, maniacal striker, has several exceedingly Norwegian traits. He sometimes exercises by chopping wood in the forest. He consumes 6,000 calories a day. After training sessions, he drinks raw milk. He owns a tax-sheltered investment company in… pic.twitter.com/MLnpgKGswP

That said, the Norwegian striker is a good example of how all the skill and success in the world won’t save you from online ridicule, whether it’s AI deepfakes where he appears to be getting a horrific jump scare from his own face, or The New Yorker writing suspiciously phrenological articles about how he’s basically an eternal Viking who’s somehow washed up on the shores of modern life after being shipwrecked by the tides of space and time.

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Of course, the ability to perform in the midst of all of this noise is undoubtedly the hallmark of a winning mentality. That’s why he’s currently representing his country on one of the world’s biggest stages, and I’m sitting on the sofa with my full England Euro 96 kit and shin pads on, trawling the internet in the early hours of the morning, looking for new ways to laugh at famous people.

This is my World Cup. I’m in the running for the Golden Boot. These are my latest screamers.

Elliot Page reveals shredded new lookSays he's "hooked" to boxing(via https://t.co/z3nuKJk9Uo) pic.twitter.com/xhTQQPchop— CoveredGeekly (@CoveredGeekly) June 30, 2026

Elliot Page reveals shredded new lookSays he's "hooked" to boxing(via https://t.co/z3nuKJk9Uo) pic.twitter.com/xhTQQPchop

I’ll never watch Juno in the same way again, not now I know how comfortably the main character could kick my ass. Oh well, I could probably still take Michael Cera, at least. Unless, of course, Elliot Page has been sharing out the testosterone. Then my fight with little Paulie might have a Bleeker ending.

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When you’re narcan’d out of that fetty OD to find a beautiful OnlyFans model giving you CPR, you’d be forgiven for thinking you’ve died and gone to heaven. Then her boyfriend, Yung........

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