Two years ago my quality of life began to go downhill. It happened when BT Openreach gave our old copper landline a compulsory upgrade to ‘Digital Voice’, meaning all calls would be made over wifi. A succession of visiting engineers failed to resolve the crackling and the cutting out on the new digital line or the uninstructed diversion of incoming calls to voicemail.

Worse, the new digital service wouldn’t extend to the bedroom: ‘It’s an old cottage, you see, with thick walls.’ Never mind that for decades I had spent many happy hours per day lying in bed (like Mrs Stitch, my role model) organising jobs and romantic partners for friends, jigsawing together the data – unearthed by longform chatting over the copper landline – to make the matches. All this with then-unappreciated audible clarity.

Landlines of the sort which could be relied upon during national crises of the past will cease to exist

Finally, without instruction or consent, BT simply removed our landline service altogether. The substitute – iPhone conversations – just don’t cut the mustard. You have to wear earphones or the head gets hot, and the interruptions are constant as the line keeps dropping, and there are blizzards of alerts coming in while you chat.

So, without a copper landline, my QoL has gone downhill. Not only can I no longer matchmake but I also can’t resolve things so easily. I like being able to think things through by........

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