To paraphrase George Michael, last Christmas my friend gave her sister-in-law a book. The sister-in-law opened it, immediately said, “Oh I’ve already got this,” and handed it back. If you just winced, you are correct.

Common decency dictates that you gratefully receive a jumper, making multiple exclamations of how thrilled you are, even if you’re wearing an identical one as you open it. The very next day, you give it away. That’s how it works, and why charity shops are inundated in December and January. This is the season of goodwill, not honesty – white lies are so festively appropriate, they’re the colour of snow. Ho-ho-hope you kept the receipt, said no one ever.

At this time of year, your nearest and dearest put time, effort, thought and money into trying to find you the perfect present. Most of them will fail in this mission – best case scenario miserably, worst spectacularly. There could be various reasons for this, but almost definitely none of them are that they did........

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