Bro, this Iran attack is based. So epic. Such fury. Secretary of Half-Completed Pull-Ups, Pete Hegseth, freaking killed it as his press conference laying out the American plan in Iran going forward. “Death and destruction from the sky, all day long,” he promised.

And stop saying it’s a war! Because it’s not! It’s a major combat operation! A special military operation! An existential battle for Christianity! Ok, maybe don’t say that last one either. But whatever you do, stop saying it’s a war.

Even though Trump keeps calling it one. “We’re doing well on the war front,” Trump declared during one recent White House glazing session, giving himself a “15 out of 10” on the conduct of the conflict—and to be clear, this is not the kind of grade the Nobel Peace Prize board is looking for—before excusing himself to “go look at the war.” See? Not a war.

Unless you agree, as so many Republicans have been (totally organically, not at all coached to say) that we’ve been at war with Iran for 47 years. In which case, yes it’s a war, but THEY STARTED IT!!!

Lest you think Hegseth’s ire is purely focused on those perfidious Iranians, he also made a special point of lambasting the “fake news” assembled before him. When asked about the six American soldiers killed in the opening stages of the not-a-war this week, Hegseth took exception, claiming that the only reason American journalists ask about our war dead is to “make the president look bad.”

If that’s true, we also need to assign a certain amount of blame to the soldiers for getting killed in........

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