According to White House official and understudy for Bond henchman #3, Sebastian Gorka, President Donald Trump has left “secret instructions” to JD Vance should he die while in office. In an interview with the “Pod Force One” podcast, Gorka explained that Trump has left a letter for the Vice President should he be “taken out.”

While Gorka refused to divulge its contents, the Daily Beast has obtained a copy of the letter, which we are sharing with our readers below:

If you’re reading this letter, it means I’m in that golden penthouse in the sky. You know, when you think about it, heaven really is the ultimate in real estate. Of course, it can be improved. I’m having the floors redone. We’re replacing all the clouds with marble.

They killed me, JP. They killed me very strongly. More strongly than anybody thought possible. Probably they needed a nuke because I don’t see what else could get the job done other than a man-eating shark.

You don’t hear too much about “man-eating sharks” these days. Too politically correct. They want to say, “non-binary-eating sharks,” right? But we’re not going to let them get away with it. We don’t need sharks with pronouns.

You’re in charge now, which means you’re going to have to make all the tough decisions. The........

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