Mark Andrews takes a wry look at the week's news

In his rather self-aggrandising statement about his spat with his parents, Brooklyn Beckham said he hoped he and his wife could now achieve 'peace, privacy and happiness', which sounds the sort of thing Meghan Markle would say.

Don't know about the peace and happiness stuff, but the privacy thing is dead easy. Brooklyn works as a chef, and I'm sure there are plenty of chefs who will tell him just how simple it is to preserve your anonymity. Just go to work in a restaurant, pub or hotel, get on with your cooking and stay in the kitchen. No-one will see you in there, honest, at least not unless you invite a film crew in.

And when you're not at work, just stay at home, or do normal things like other chefs do. Wear normal clothes. Lay off........

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