I won’t say I had the wrong kind of therapist for decades. But I sometimes wonder. What if early on, I had someone who challenged me more? Would I have become confident and secure sooner? Or would I have cowered and become withdrawn?

It probably would have sent me into a ruminating rabbit hole of self-loathing and a tailspin of anxiety. Who needs someone gently pushing you when you’re already masochistically pushing yourself for not measuring up?

Challenging isn’t aggressive confrontation—the put-up-your-dukes confrontation.

It’s an invitation to look at incongruities in human behavior and what they say, want, or believe. It can introduce a different perspective on an issue or help gently explore blind spots. In the right hands and with the right timing, it’s therapeutic gold. It’s essential for creating growth and change. But it’s a delicate skill because if it’s too forceful or done without adequate empathy, it can be received as blame or aggression and cause harm to the therapeutic relationship.1,2

The Skill of Challenging Is an Art

My current therapist, Hard-Ass Andie—she knows I call her that—is excellent. She offers a nuanced balance of empathy and challenge. But a solid foundation of safety and trust was built before she went for the jugular (kidding!) and challenged my thinking, beliefs, or behaviour.

Unfortunately, pre-bipolar disorder........

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