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The notion of “have a body” relates to radical self-acceptance and honoring.

The concept of “go to the beach” relates to living now rather than waiting indefinitely.

Surrounding ourselves with individuals who have kinder self-talk helps significantly.

Body discontent, body disparagement, and body-change focus are unfortunately normative for the majority of people for most of the year; however, there are certain times when this becomes more intensified, most notably around New Year's and the start of the summer season.

The two-step process for achieving "beach body" suggested here (have a body and then go to the beach) might sound a bit flippant, but it actually does capture the two essential features of a healthy, grounded, compassionate way to change our body image.

Body image is the way we think about our body, but this is influenced by many factors, many of them distorted and judgmental. One of the biggest myths about changing body image is the idea that we improve it by changing the body; however, the true and lasting way to shift to a more positive body image involves changing the image of our body more than changing the body.

Having a Body: Accepting and Honoring Ourselves

The recommendation “having a body” is about fully immersing in the experience of accepting ourselves as we are right now.

We all have bodies. This is where we live, our home, and the base from which we engage in our lives. Our bodies are our vehicles for living a full and enriching existence. Constantly denying the proper balance of the needs of our bodies would be like owning a car or a house but ignoring the needs for regular maintenance.

Given the societal messages pushing thin, toned, smooth, polished, young, acceptable, and rigidly idealistic body shape for all, many individuals find it difficult to honor and respect their bodies. Marketing communications are loud, relentless, and well-designed, backed by cleverly crafted millions of dollars. And when we don’t respect something, we don’t tend to take good care of it. But when we appreciate or value something, we tend to engage in better upkeep. And better care leads to better functioning, inside and out, overall.

There is a valuable trending concept of body neutrality, often attributed to Anne Poirier, which is the idea that we don’t have to embrace body love, but we could instead aim for at least some accepting and honoring of our bodies. Like so many psychological concepts, this may be easy to say and harder to put into action, but the notion can be a relief for many once some practicing of this is underway.

Neutrality, the state of not supporting either side of a conflict (neither love nor hate, in this instance), may sound bland or unremarkable, but it can reveal important differences in self-care. Instead of finding ways to punish, starve, overwork, underwork, criticize, or constantly crave change in our bodies, a neutral approach allows us to consider how to provide our bodies with what they need to carry on with life. Neutrality removes the pressure to always love everything about one’s body, allowing for more sustainable self-acceptance. This is about providing the food, hydration, movement, fresh air, sleep, and rest our bodies require throughout the day—all without (or perhaps starting with less of) condemnation, contempt, and criticism.

The irony is that when we accept more of who we are, change sometimes comes more naturally and organically. When someone stops holding back the tears of grief, they may have some good cries and finally find cathartic relief. Facing the scary conversation or project we have been anxiously avoiding often leads to less apprehension, not more, in the long run. If someone stops restricting certain foods because of fear of a binge, the urge to binge on that food lessens significantly. When someone allows themselves to attend their favorite dance class no matter how they look, they end up going more often. Lovingly listening to body signals and providing ourselves with the needed elements leads to better body functioning.

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By accepting the reality that we have a body to take care of right now as is, we are energizing our internal organs, allowing our inner mini-city to flourish, potentially quieting the often-relentless mental denigrations, and showing up with more day-to-day contentedness.

Going to the Beach: Embracing Life and Living

The notion of going to the beach represents the idea that part of separating from the culture's thin idealization and internalized weight-centric prejudices is about living life now rather than waiting for some body change. Many individuals get caught up in a pattern of putting off enjoyable life events until their appearance, body, weight, size, or clothing size has shifted to some idealized place. But this often results in many years of unhappiness and life pursuits on pause.

Another significant predicament that arises when we limit our involvement in life due to a “not until” standard is that we put ourselves in a position of both being bullied and being the bully. We feel the disparagement of being controlled, yet simultaneously doing the controlling. Neither position feels good nor empowered.

Choosing to live now and do the things we enjoy is critical to living a well-lived life. So, whether it is the beach, the mountains, a party, a comedy club, that D&D group, the reunion, the neighborhood BBQ, that new art class, or any other host of possible interests someone may have, the main idea is to get out and do the things we love. This is not about over-scheduling but rather about making sure activities of interest are not avoided or delayed indefinitely but instead embraced sooner rather than later.

When we engage more actively in life, we tend to reduce the over-focus on negative self-review. Being more fulfilled and satisfied leads to greater overall happiness, and this can sometimes help reframe our perspective on ourselves and our previously unbalanced focus on needing to change our bodies.

Beach Body Bonus Tip: Bringing Good Friends and Improving the Ambiance

Engaging in life events on one’s own can be comfortable and calm, though sometimes bringing friends along can multiply opportunities for exploration, laughter, shared memories, and comfort in a different way.

But the notion of bringing friends is used here more figuratively to indicate the value of finding friends who also embrace a kinder, more compassionate, and more peaceful way of having a satisfying relationship with one’s body. If we are often around others who talk negatively about their own bodies, focus on diet fads, or are stuck in a cycle of avoiding life events until some shift occurs, we are at risk of immersing ourselves in similar types of thinking traps.

This issue of contagion can relate to in-person experiences, but can even occur from social media messages or other exposures we may be consuming regularly. When we hear something said by others around us enough times, especially if we are taking it in as truth and aren’t questioning the veracity, we can end up absorbing and incorporating such dangerous narratives.

Finding good friends (and positive media figures) who are also living life fully, without overfocus on body change or constant negative self-talk, can be deeply meaningful for enjoying life more fully. Normative discontent is sadly far too common among the general population, so it can be difficult to find networks of people who don’t struggle with some insecurities; however, friends who at least embrace body neutrality and are willing to get out and participate in life events can be terrific partners for planning adventures.

More information in this domain referenced in previously published Mindful Metaphor blog posts is available here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-metaphors/202512/overco…

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-metaphors/202412/mirror…

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-metaphors/202403/counti…

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