Why Relationships Matter

Take our Can You Spot Red Flags In A Relationship?

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Recognize signs that your relationship is ending.

Decide if your partner is “the one” or just the one for now.

Make a plan to reignite the love spark or, with gratitude, say “goodbye.”

What keeps many couples together, despite petty conflicts, is the absolute belief that they were both touched by the same star. As so often depicted in rom-coms or romance movies, there is love, conflict, a breakup, and then a romantic reunion. While these stories may fill a “feel good” need, they often fantasize reality.

Relationship ups and downs

There may be times when you begin to question your relationship. There may be too many arguments. Perhaps there is too much tension. Although you may make excuses, the emotional stress can escalate to a breaking point.

Sometimes couples stay in a relationship because they are afraid of being alone. There are also times in which couples become comfortable with one another despite ongoing conflicts. If you have ever wondered if you made a mistake falling for the love in your life, you are not alone. Relationships have ups and downs.

How can you tell if your relationship is fading?

Before dissecting your relationship, ask yourself these three important questions:

What does my heart tell me?

What does my heart tell me?

What does my intuition say?

What does my intuition say?

In my heart of hearts, why did I believe that he or she was “the one”?

In my heart of hearts, why did I believe that he or she was “the one”?

Think about your answers and challenge yourself to delve into your relationship more thoroughly while maintaining a positive attitude. According to Chen et al., 2025, positive illusions can “beautify the impression of others through positive projection, thereby helping in establishing positive, stable, and harmonious interpersonal relationships.”

Qualities that attracted you

Remind yourself of the qualities that attracted you to your love initially. Was it kindness, empathy, the ability to listen, patience, generosity of spirit, or honesty?

Keep in mind that a 2023 study to determine the influence of positive illusions on relationships, George et al., reported: “How one views one's partner (positive illusion or objectively) has important consequences on the success of that relationship.”

Think of two experiences that brought joy to the two of you.

Think of two experiences that brought joy to the two of you.

Now ask yourself, “Can we find that place of joy again?”

Now ask yourself, “Can we find that place of joy again?”

Be honest with yourself and make a plan to have a sincere talk with your partner. Instead of being confrontational, keep it simple, short, and factual. You might say: “Our relationship has lost its spark. We may no longer be living up to the best of ourselves. I’d like to tell you the reasons that I fell in love with you. And I would like for you to tell me why you fell in love with me."

If you get brushed off, instead of becoming defensive, suggest you both think about your concern and talk another time.

Be honest with yourself. If this partner is simply the one for now, with dignity and kindness, thank that person for the togetherness and joy you once experienced and move on.

Copyright 2026 Rita Watson, MPH.

Why Relationships Matter

Take our Can You Spot Red Flags In A Relationship?

Find a therapist to strengthen relationships

Chen, H, “Adaptive value of positive illusions: coping with adversity and improving relationships” Frontiers in Psychology 16, 1540566, 2025

McNulty, J. K., & Dugas, A. (2019). A dyadic perspective on gratitude sheds light on both its benefits and its costs: Evidence that low gratitude acts as a “weak link”. Journal of Family Psychology, 33(7), 876–881. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000533

Ryjova, Y et al., J Fam Psychol. A Day in the Life: Couples’ Everyday Communication and Subsequent Relationship Outcomes, 2024 Jan 22;38(3):453–465. doi: 10.1037/fam0001180

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