We often shift from judging actions to judging whether the target “deserves” them.

When a target feels deserving, harmful responses start to feel more acceptable.

What looks like hypocrisy often reflects which values are active in the moment.

It doesn’t always stop at criticism.

Someone says something online—offensive, careless, sometimes just poorly worded—and the response escalates quickly. At first, it looks like what you’d expect: disagreement, pushback, maybe some ridicule. But in some cases, it becomes quite extreme.

People start trying to figure out who the person is. Where they work. How to contact them. Personal details get surfaced and shared. What began as criticism starts to look more like targeting.

And when it crosses that line, the reaction often isn’t This went too far. It’s something closer to: Well… they kind of had it coming.

That shift is easy to miss, but it matters because once that reaction takes hold, people aren’t really asking whether the response itself is acceptable. They’re asking whether the target deserves it. And those are completely different issues.

When “Is This OK?” Becomes “Do They Deserve It?”

At some level, most people recognize that posting someone’s personal information, contacting their employer, or coordinating harassment crosses a line. Those actions don’t suddenly become justifiable or ethical just because the person on the receiving end said something offensive. But they aren't always viewed through the same lens.

Instead, how those actions are viewed starts to hinge on the target. If the person is seen as deserving—because of what they said, what they represent, or what people assume about them—then the response starts to feel more defensible. Not necessarily good, but........

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