However you define it, everyone knows that infidelity is extremely common. And everyone knows that it is often highly disruptive, shocking, destabilizing, and hurtful.

There’s no one right way to navigate infidelity, whether your own or your partner’s. But there are some wrong ways. After 44 years as a marriage counselor, I’ve seen thousands of people make the same set of mistakes after infidelity has been revealed.

Whether someone is caught or they confess, whether it’s a brief fling, a sex worker, or a love affair, both the Betrayed and the Betrayer are vulnerable to these common mistakes:

Many people end their relationship after infidelity is revealed. For some of them, it’s a good decision. However, making such a consequential decision in the heat of intense emotion can’t be smart.

If a friend of yours said, “I just found out my wife cheated on me. I’ve therefore decided to quit my job/buy a dog/sell my house/have plastic surgery,” you’d probably say (or at least think), “Whoa, that’s a big decision to make so suddenly. Maybe you want to think about it.”

And that’s exactly what a person needs to hear if they decide, “You cheated on me? It’s over, no questions asked.”

Of course, when someone’s been cheated on, they don’t know exactly what to believe. They often start reevaluating past experiences, especially ones that seemed odd at the time.

But imagining that everything was a lie just because your mate lied about an affair is generally a mistake. It can be comforting to turn a complex human situation into a simple black-and-white

© Psychology Today