Why Relationships Matter

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Difference in relationships does not have to mean disconnection.

Being witnessed is different than being agreed with or submitted to.

Love and connection deepen when we develop our capacity to witness differences.

We all ask some version of this question when we experience a significant relational shift.

After years as a psychotherapist—with individuals, couples, and families—as well as decades of marriage, eight years as a parent, and living for half a century, I find that this utterly human question remains universal.

As the new school year approached, this question was very present for my son and his closest friends.

On the surface, of course, they asked one another: “What teacher did you get?” But what they meant was, “Where are you? Are we still together?”

And, when they discovered they were all assigned to different classrooms, they asked, “Where did you go?”

It's natural for kids who have formed deep friendships over time to wonder, nervously, whether their most familiar people will remain beside them as they enter a new school year.

September always brings an awareness of loss and change for all of us—new projects, new routines, less contact with the people, places, and things we’ve become attached to.

For my son and his friends, however, the changes this year were more palpable. It wasn’t just being in different classes, but they were also moving to a new building, and perhaps most significantly, they’d begun pursuing different interests. (Not all of them played baseball, or basketball, or tennis. Not all of them continued breakdancing. They would no longer spend every afternoon together, as they had come to expect.)

And yet, they remain deeply connected—not only in each other’s minds, but in their continuous recognition.

Talking with some of the........

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