What Is Domestic Violence?

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Abusive fathers often push boys toward aggressive, stereotypical masculinity that harms them.

Fathers who aim to make their sons macho can undermine the boys' closeness with their mothers and sisters.

Exposure to men who model empathy and emotional expression will help boys become emotionally intelligent men.

Daniel was hard on his son Justin, even as an infant. He berated Justin’s mother, Hannah, when she sang to him or tried to comfort him when he cried. Daniel allowed Justin to get cold, hungry, and sunburned, claiming this would toughen him up. This made Hannah weep in helpless fury. Over time, Daniel continued to push their son toward a rough masculinity. With Daniel’s lack of protection, Justin was injured often and became a bully at school.

Some domestic abusers, like Daniel, try to extinguish the more tender aspects of their sons. What’s going on?

Men who strongly adhere to traditional gender norms are more likely to engage in aggression toward others, including their wives and girlfriends. Interestingly, men who have stereotyped ideas of how men should act and also feel inadequate are especially likely to abuse their female partners. They “prove their manliness” by becoming domestic abusers.

Below, we’ll explore some of the ways domestic abusers push their sons to be macho, the effects, and what you can do.

Pushing Contact Sports Over Creativity or Reflection

Domestic abusers often push their sons to play high-impact sports while blocking activities such as reading, music, art, or theater. Abusers communicate that masculinity is defined by violent physicality and dominance, not self-betterment. Abusive men may validate themselves through their children’s athletic successes and punish their losses, making them “sore losers.”

Some abusers make their sons run laps until they cry or lift heavier weights than they should. They may knock them down or kick balls too hard at them during practices.

I have known domestic abusers who pushed their sons into........

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