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An apology can acknowledge pain without making the parent responsible for fixing the rest of the child’s life.

Parental guilt can drive repeated rescuing, financial support, or tolerance of unhealthy behavior.

Healthy repair allows parents to own the past while still setting calm, firm boundaries in the present.

Most parents, if they keep it real and are truthful with themselves, can easily think of things they wish they had done differently when raising their now-adult children. One Dad (Tim) of a 28-year-old struggling adult son (Ben; both are fictitious names) said some poignant things recently in a parent coaching session. He said, "Man, I think I'm guilty of all the things I should not have done with Ben. I mean, I yelled too much, I was way too critical during his soccer games, and it sucks to hear myself say, but I was often too critical when my anxiety over his future got the best of me."

Tim went on, "Dr. Jeff, it's like, what the hell........

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