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Mixed feelings are a normal part of loving across generations.

Healthy grandparenting makes room for conflicting emotions.

Every feeling matters—even those we rarely talk about.

When you became a grandparent, you probably heard some version of the same question:

"Isn't it the best?" "Don't you just love being a grandparent?"

"Don't you just love being a grandparent?"

In my 40 years as a psychologist, I've worked with many grandparents, and I've noticed something striking: Those questions leave very little room for any answer other than an enthusiastic "Absolutely.” There is rarely any space for feelings that don’t fit the cultural narrative that grandparenting is purely joyful.

As a grandparent myself, I understand why. When my older grandson calls my name or runs into my arms, there is no greater joy. However, for many families, becoming a grandparent can also stir up old family wounds, unresolved tensions with adult children, challenges with the physical demands of caring for young children, and sometimes increased financial burdens on grandparents as they help their adult children.

This paradox of being a grandparent is often not discussed, since the only response people feel they can give when talking about it is positive and full of joy. The joy is real. So are the complexities.

So much writing about being a grandparent stays in the “Isn’t this wonderful?” territory. While celebration is important, it often leaves many grandparents feeling isolated when their experiences include frustration, sadness, exhaustion,........

© Psychology Today