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Over-responsibility can create accountability for things we cannot fully control.

The expectations we inherit can reinforce the pressure to handle things alone.

Letting go of some responsibility doesn’t mean abandoning what is ours to own.

Sometimes I find myself working late into the night. I may or may not be writing this post far beyond when I was supposed to be wrapping up work. And full confession: I’m not sure why I do this. I’m a therapist in private practice—there is no deadline I’m trying to meet, no supervisor I’m trying to impress, no promotion I’m vying for. And yet, somewhere within me there is a sense of urgency that says, “Not enough. Do more. You need to accomplish more today."

“You need to accomplish more today.” When I hear that inner voice get loud in myself or in clients, I find that I start to spiral with questions: Who says I need to accomplish more? What is more? What counts as an accomplishment? And those are all important questions, but for the purpose of this post, I want to focus on the operative word spoken by that inner voice: “you.” It never says “we need to accomplish more.” It’s always on my shoulders.

There’s a name for some of this: over-responsibility. It’s the idea that we take ownership of things that are outside of our control—the thoughts and feelings of others, outcomes that we cannot........

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