What Is Emotion Regulation?

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"Let them" is a great concept to help us notice our triggers and do something different.

Emotions make it hard to "let them."

Working with emotions in the body is key.

Mel Robbins' book Let Them is still a bestseller nearly two years after publication. The concept struck a chord with millions of people. This two-word phrase has become a mantra for navigating everything from disagreements to relationship breakdowns.

If someone doesn't invite you to their 50th birthday? Let them.

If your adult child makes choices you don't agree with? Let them.

If a friend ghosts you and pulls away? Let them.

“Let them” is like detaching with love. It’s taking your hands off the steering wheel of someone else’s life. The genius of "let them" is that it helps us notice something many of us do without realizing it: We try to control other people to feel better ourselves. The moment we recognize this tendency, we gain an opportunity to respond differently.

But this is just the first step.

Knowing we should "let them" doesn't necessarily make it easier to let go of our desire for people to change. If it were that easy, there would be far fewer controlling relationships, fewer codependent patterns, and far less emotional suffering.

So, in these circumstances, why is “let them” so hard? As an AEDP psychotherapist, I’d like to share a clinical example that you may relate to–even if you’re not in psychotherapy.

This story highlights the complexities of recognizing painful emotions and the brilliant ways we avoid them. How we respond to our complex emotional lives plays a significant role in our ability to find wisdom in the “let them” mindset.

Consider Sarah, a woman in her 50s whose daughter just graduated from high school. To celebrate her milestone, Sarah’s daughter left for a weeklong camping trip with her best friends. It’s the........

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