Why Relationships Matter

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What once worked can stop working when we mistake a habit for the principle behind it.

When a relationship struggles, one useful question is: What is this relationship for?

Conflict reveals a relationship's character by showing whether we seek understanding or certainty.

Discernment is refined perception: the capacity to see more than our first interpretation allowed.

Executive coach Marshall Goldsmith’s What Got You Here Won’t Get You There (2007) is a rare title that feels self-evident. You understand its insight before you’ve read the first page.

A caring manager runs a small office. Every Friday, he calls the neighborhood donut shop. The ritual becomes part of the office culture. People look forward to it. His team feels appreciated. His boss notices the enthusiasm he’s building. Before long, the manager is promoted to a global role.

Friday morning arrives.

Manager: “Hey, Big T.”

Tony: “Morning, my friend. The usual mixed dozen for Donut Friday?”

Manager: “Actually…I got promoted.”

Tony: “Congratulations!”

Manager: “Thanks. I have absolutely no idea how to manage fifteen thousand people.”

Tony: “Hey, just stick with what you know.”

Manager: “You’re right. I need fifteen thousand donuts.”

The example is absurd, but the problem isn’t uncommon. People can succeed without clearly grasping why. And it crosses domains. Enter the athlete, who knows where the answer lies.

When a hitter suddenly goes 0-for-27, he knows something that got him here isn’t getting him there anymore. Modern baseball technology can detect tiny changes in bat speed and swing path, but the search for a way forward returns to the fundamentals.

Goldsmith’s title gives us the warning. Did we examine what got us here, or did we simply get habituated to what seemed successful? The “if it ain't broke, don’t fix it” mentality. Before long, you’re on autopilot, thinking you’re still flying........

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