Understanding a bad time in the past can help you form a new beginninng.

The present can trigger memories of the past, but that doesn't have to be your future.

Reframing “I stayed too long” as “I found the strength to leave” can shift feelings of shame toward agency.

Recently a best friend and I were talking about past hurts we couldn’t let go of, particularly with partners we had dated decades ago. We’re both ridiculously happy in our lives now, in our homes and careers, so why do we still bear these painful grudges — the ones that lodge like splinters and we talk and talk about with our friends? I began to wonder, what could I do to get over them? I mean, what was the point of them? I didn’t know what to do except that I was tired of giving energy to these memories. Why couldn’t I just let them go? And then, I realized that maybe I couldn’t because I was getting something out of it, and the trick was, to figure out what that something was.

Flashback to decades ago and a person we'll call Tim. I was already traumatized from the sudden death of a fiancé; I couldn’t bear the grieving and I tried everything. Despite the advice of family, friends, and therapists, I decided........

© Psychology Today