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Parents must try to understand rather than dictate their adult children's choices.

Parents may mistakenly assume that what was beneficial for them must also be beneficial for their children.

A parent's fear of losing influence over an adult child can inadvertently drive that child away.

In my previous post, I discussed the common origins of estrangement between parent and adult child during the emptying of the family nest.

I shared the story of Robert, who, you may recall, was angry with his son, Andrew, for not continuing to follow the religious pathway that he had so carefully laid out for him. Rather than being interested in Andrew’s personal evolution as he approached college graduation, Robert became critical and judgmental, which was pushing his son away at a critical developmental juncture.

Robert came to consult with me to discuss how to bring Andrew “back into the fold,” which, from his perspective, appeared to mean convincing his son to return to the conventional Christian journey that Andrew had dutifully been traveling since he was a child.

But for Robert to have any success repairing the gash that had opened up in the father-son relationship, he would need to take a look at his own reactivity to Andrew’s autonomy.

Here's a segment from our initial consultation:

R: I just don’t understand what happened. He was so involved in the church, so involved in the campus ministry, and now he’s........

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