Piddington is apparently very proud of itself. It has voted to leave the UK, because it so detests the idea of living next to asylum seekers. “We are Piddington, the village that roars,” vice-chair of the parish council Susannah Parden said, seemingly unaware of how preposterous she sounded.

The village has worked itself up into such a state of hysteria over a nearby barracks being converted into asylum seeker accommodation that it has voted to Brexit itself. It’s symbolic of course – basically a PR stunt – but we should take them at their word.

If they want out, let’s respect their wishes. Let’s Article 50 this thing – trigger some imaginary legal mechanism, put up trade and regulatory barriers around the village and enforce strict visa requirements. The newly established nation of Piddington will be landlocked, of course, and surrounded on all sides by the United Kingdom, so we can basically do what we want with it.

I suggest we take this opportunity for a nation-building exercise. We will colonise Piddington and then civilise its inhabitants until they achieve the kind of maturity required to govern themselves. This will entail a ban on social media websites, right-wing newspapers, conservative TV networks and Reform politicians.

Much of the media has presented the Piddington story as twee and genteel – the Wind in the Willows of anti-asylum protests. But in fact much of what has been said by those in this campaign reflects far-right narratives or adopts their language in its entirety. There’s nothing twee about it.

One hundred and thirty-three female residents wrote an open........

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