I Thought Parents Could Solve Their Kids’ Screen Time Troubles. I Was Wrong.

“I spent 13 weeks talking to experts because I believed the right rules would remove my uncertainty.”

Before I spent 13 weeks interviewing experts about children and screens, I was convinced the rules existed.

Someone had them. Some brilliant researcher, psychologist, educator or parenting expert had cracked the code and could tell me exactly how much screen time was acceptable for an 11-year-old with ADHD and anxiety.

I wanted a number. I wanted a schedule. I wanted someone with several impressive letters after their name to say: Let him have this many minutes. Turn it off at this exact time. Allow these activities. Block these apps. Follow these steps and his attention, sleep, mental health and development will all be fine. Your child will develop a healthy relationship with technology and never scream, “BUT I WASN’T DONE!” when the timer goes off.

Instead, after 13 weeks of conversations with internationally recognised experts, I had accumulated a notebook full of nuance, a phone full of additional research and approximately 700 new questions.

The 13 weeks of interviews were both a professional project and a very personal attempt to understand how I could protect and guide my own son. I am a neurodivergent single mother raising an 11-year-old son with ADHD and anxiety. Screens are not a simple subject in our house because my child’s relationship with technology is not simple.

Technology gives him access to things that are genuinely good for him.

He can explore an interest for hours, teach himself how something works, create, problem-solve and connect with other kids. He can experience competence in digital spaces on days when the nondigital world has mostly reminded him about the things he forgot, misplaced or failed to finish.

A screen can help him regulate after holding himself together through an exhausting school day.

It can also make the next transition approximately 4,000 times harder.

The same game that gives him connection and confidence can become the thing he cannot stop playing. The same video that teaches him something fascinating can lead directly into 36 more videos selected by an algorithm that has never once said, “You know what? That’s probably enough for today.”

Technology can be a tool, an accommodation, an escape, a social space, a creative outlet and a complete pain in my ass. Sometimes it is all of those things before dinner.

That is why generic screen-time advice has never completely worked for us. “Just take the device away” sounds simple until the device is also where his schoolwork lives.

“Let him experience the natural consequence” sounds reasonable until the natural consequence is missing an assignment posted on one of several platforms I was apparently supposed to check.

“Encourage offline interests” is wonderful advice. We do.........

© HuffPost