Get unlimited access to everything VICE has to offer.

Turn off all ads on VICE.com

Exclusive New VICE Documentaries

Member Exclusive Features & Columns

Turn off all ads on VICE.com

Exclusive New VICE Documentaries

Member Exclusive Features & Columns

Turn off all ads on VICE.com

Exclusive New VICE Documentaries

Member Exclusive Features & Columns

4 Magazines Delivered to Your Door

Why You Keep Ending Up in the Same Unhealthy Relationships, According to a Therapist

A therapist explains why familiarity can draw us into unhealthy relationships and how to finally break the cycle.

Share on X (Opens in new window)X

Share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Facebook

Share using Native toolsShareCopied to clipboard

Do you constantly choose the same type of partner, no matter how toxic your past dating experiences have been? Without even realizing it, and despite trying to break your bad habit, you might be drawn to people who feel “familiar.”

This common pattern often leads individuals to date people who aren’t good for them, further perpetuating the negative cycle. Here’s how to break away from what’s familiar and get comfortable with the unknown.

Familiarity and Attraction

When you think about attraction, you likely think of surface-level qualities like physical appearance or even status. But much of what fuels our attraction comes from our past experiences.

“Familiarity is one of the cornerstone parts of what we find attractive well into adulthood,” says Blythe Landry, LCSW/M.Ed., author of Trauma Intelligence: The Art of Helping in a World Filled with Pain and founder of Grief to........

© Vice